These things are cracking me up! Why I got divorced… Last wéek was my birthday…. My wife didnt wish me…. My parents forgot and so did my kids…. I went to work…. Even my colleagues didnt wish me…. As i entered my cabin my secretary said,”Happy Birthday Boss”…. i felt so special…. She asked me out to lunch…. After lunch,she invited me to her apartment… WE went there…. She said,”Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?” “OKAY”,i said… She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My Friends & My Colleagues… All Screaming,,SURPRISE…. And I was waiting on the sofa.. NAKED

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These things are cracking me up!

Why I got divorced…
Last wéek was my birthday….
My wife didnt wish me….
My parents forgot and so did my kids….
I went to work….
Even my colleagues didnt wish me…. As i entered my cabin my secretary said,”Happy Birthday Boss”…. i felt so special…. She asked me out to lunch…. After lunch,she invited me to her apartment…
WE went there…. She said,”Do you mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute ?”
“OKAY”,i said…
She came out 5min later with a cake And My Wife,,My Parents,,My Kids,,My Friends & My Colleagues… All Screaming,,SURPRISE…. And I was waiting on the sofa.. NAKED

Husband Wanted

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HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to.get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70′s),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray- haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you … you have no legs!” The old man smiled, “Therefore I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted. “You don’t have any hands either!”

Again the old man smiled, “Nor can I beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. “Are you still good in bed?” With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”

Jokes

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A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”

Wife: Can you help me in garden??
Husband: What do you think, I’m a Gardener.. ??

Wife: Can you fix door handle??
Husband: What do you think, I’m a Carpenter. .??

In the Evening when husband came from the work, He saw everything
has been fixed..!! He asked: Who fixed this..??

Wife:”our Neighbour but he gave me 2 options..!!
Either I should give him burger or sleep with him..!!

Husband:I’m sure you must have given a burger..!!

Wife: What do You think…… I’m a Mc’Donalds..?